Do You Have A Debt Buddy?
Getting out of debt really sucks. It will suck the life out of you and leave you feeling like crap all day long. One way to combat this nasty Fact-O-Debt is to utilize the buddy system. Remember went you were in school and always had a buddy on field trips? Remember how that buddy was there to help you if things went wrong during the trip? Well a debt buddy is essentially the same thing. A debt buddy will be there to help you through tough financial decisions and provide the support you need during your journey out of debt.
My Buddy And Me
My debt buddy is my wife, and I am her debt buddy (WARNING: 2 spenders as debt buddies is not recommended). Last week our hot water heater broke and flooded our basement, causing us to move a ton of furniture and supplies around in our basement. Somehow during the commotion we lost our dog food scoop. How are we supposed to feed the monsters without a scoop? This was a big deal for my wife since she feeds the dogs in the morning.
That scoop has been with the family for years and the loss was heartbreaking (not really but stay with me). My wife decided that we needed to go to the pet store to purchase a new scoop. Since the scoop was the equivalent of 1 cup, I suggested we use one of our extra measuring cups instead (this is how a debt buddy can step in and offer help).
The old DeliverAwayDebt household would have just gone to the store and purchased a new scoop for $5 and been done. Things are different now; we need to watch every dollar we spend. Having the goal of debt freedom in mind, I was able to offer the advice and support my wife needed to avoid a $5 mistake. The measuring cup doesn’t have any cool paw print logos on it, but it sure can deliver the food to the dogs with precision.
Kicked In The Butt
A debt buddy is also a butt kicker, a person who will hold you accountable for the choices you make. A few weeks ago, my debt buddy opened my eyes to the evils I was about to partake in.
Since I live the location independent lifestyle, the one where I work 12 hours or more a day and am never home, I wanted a laptop with more power. I’m currently using a Toshiba Netbook that allows me to run this blog and do 99% of the things I want do online from anywhere. The only problem is that it takes FOREVER to render a video. For a typical 3-5 minute video it can take over 2 hours to completely render that video and get it ready to post on the site. That’s just crazy. Then it takes another 1 or 2 hours to upload it.
Since I’ve stock piled a bit of cash from my blog earnings I began to search Craigslist for a suitable upgrade. After finding a couple of options and talking with my debt buddy about the purchase, I was reduced to a blob of shame. My debt buddy reminded me that I have a great computer at home, that I could rearrange my schedule to work on the videos in the early morning or before bed time. My debt buddy also reminded me that we are in debt and I would be stupid if I made such a purchase.
Well, my debt buddy was right. I am in debt and purchasing another computer just to have the option to quickly make a video does not help the bottom line. Thanks for the kick in the can debt buddy!
Take The Leap
Who is your debt buddy? If you don’t have one, begin writing a list of potential candidates and start interviewing them. You are looking for someone you can trust, someone who will be honest with you, and someone who stands to gain when you are out of debt (this gives them reason to help you). This debt buddy may be your spouse, a loved one, a parent, a grandparent, a good friend, or anyone else who can be a sounding board for life’s financial decisions.
What do you think? Can you see how a debt buddy can help? Or am I completely off my rocker?
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You’re absolutely right that having someone to be accountable to is crucial. My wife was my debt buddy and I wish we’d had that name at the time, instead of ‘that person who tells me I should never buy ANYTHING and is generally a buzz-kill when I want all that cool new stuff I want’ (this is harder to fit on a business card too).
Sometimes you just need someone from the outside to say ‘hey, that’s a dumb idea’. When it’s someone you trust AND (most importantly) someone you’ve given PERMISSION to do that, it’s a great tool and relationship to have so you can both achieve your goals.
@Evan, I really like Nag as an alternate term, but my wife would just beat me upside the head (just kidding Ladies). Thanks for the PERMISSION reminder. It’s always productive to have that person give you feedback, instead of someone who is trying to bring you down. There are way too many people in our lives that want to see us fail. If we fail, it justifies their complacency. If we win then they have no excuse to sit back and whine about things. Hmmmm maybe we just stumbled onto the real reason I blog and why I write what I do. I want everyone to be a winner. We can all win as long as we put in the effort. Thanks Evan, I’ll have to give you credit for dragging out what I’ve been trying to says for a long time
Thank-you Sir.
@Jeff, it’s a common misunderstanding you’re describing with your wife. See, when you say it out loud, ‘Nag’ sounds like a bad thing. You just have to explain that it’s actually an acronym: Negative-behavior Accounting Guru.
Now you can go apologize to your wife and explain the misunderstanding and that ALL those times you called her a nag it was actually a compliment.
@Evan HAHAHAHA I told my wife that one and she loved it!!
What a great idea! A debt buddy can certainly talk you off the ledge when having a weak moment. For me it’s the cute purse or shoes I see as I walk through the mall. I try to go to the mall with a purpose in mind; a birthday gift, or new sneakers for the kids (I don’t know how they grow out of them so fast). But sometimes I get sucked in…My debt buddy in college was my roomate, today it is my husband. Buying the shoes may have kept me from paying my share of the rent back then, today they might mean not being able to pay th electric bill!
@Suzanne Being talked off the ledge is sometimes all we need. When our debt buddy cares enough to bring an issue to us, it removes our blinders and helps us to see clearly again. Spending can be a super fun drug
I’m glad you have a debt buddy. Come to think of it, “Debt Buddy” would make a cool tattoo on the palms of our hands. That way anytime we have the itch to spend, we’ll see the tat and think twice. Ok, maybe not such a good idea in the end.
You are very fortunate to have your spouse as a debt buddy! Usually “opposites attract” and all that.
I wouldn’t call my husband my debt buddy; having him as a partner is more of a motivation to set a good example… (wink-wink, if you know what I mean). If anything, my blog has become my debt buddy. When I’m tempted to fall off the wagon, so to speak, I actually feel like I’d be letting down my readers. Silly, I know. But blogging about our finances has become an amazing accountability partner.
@Jolyn you’re right about the opposite attracting part, but for some reason two spenders happened across each other this time. She is my opposite in everything else though which provides me the balance I need
I love your “motivation” example, priceless. The accountablilty of this blog has really helped me as well.
A debt buddy is a great thing! I’ve got a few friends (and of course my gf) that I talk about purchases with (the ones that are not food or gas) and that usually stops me from buying stuff. Although I’m currently looking into getting a flip cam, that should probably be halted…(maybe a christmas gift?).
Also, Your version of the location independent lifestyle sounds a lot like mine – want to start a club?
@Jeff We should start a club, it would be fun. But somehow I don’t think either of us have time for it
I was hoping someone would pick up on that lifestyle. Many bloggers write about it all the time, I think I’m the first to state it the “debt busters” way.
I have two debt buddies; one is my wife and the other is my conscience which has really taken over and my previous self, the spender, is now the little voice in my head that I ignore
In all seriousness, it is a great idea to have someone that can help hold you accountable.
@Jesse You are so right about the conscience as a debt buddy. As we learn to break our bad behaviors, the conscience becomes our debt buddy by default.
Since our normal mode is not to buy anything that isn’t a necessity, my husband and I tend to bounce potential purchases off of each other, just as a sanity check. Kind of like saying, “I was thinking of buying X for this reason. That seems reasonable, right?”
We don’t have any his and hers money that is spent without justification. All spending is sitting in the glaring light of day for all to see. We might as well discuss it in advance because there are no secrets. We are both committed to the same savings goals and eliminating unecessary spending so we can retire early. Every week when I balance up the spending plan with the actual numbers I can plainly see where any extra money was spent, or where we came in under the planned amounts. We purposely don’t budget for entertainment or clothes for example. We spend very little on these items, but more importantly when we do spend we have to add that expense to the planned spending for the week. It clearly sticks out as an unplanned expense. I hate adding those extra costs to our plan and it makes me think that much harder before I do it again any time soon.
Our basic expenses require about 55% of our take home pay. Each January when I lay out the year’s spending plan for only the bare essentials I can see how much “excess” there should be at Dec 31 if we did absolutely nothing but those essentials. Of course we never do that. Sooner or later we do go to a restaurant or replace a clothing item. Some years we need new tires, or we replace a major appliance. Whenever I add an unplanned item over $25 I also add it to a separate list I keep all year. By tracking all year those little extras, as well as the large transfers out to our retirement accounts and extra mortgage payments, I have a detailed explanation of where that excess went. Ideally, most of it goes into our savings and at any time I can scan that list and see precisely where we spent what would otherwise have been those additional savings. If I can review the list months later and still feel each unplanned purchase was justifiable then I think we’re doing fine.
The idea of a buddy is excellent if you are prone to regularly having a weak moment, or are still getting used to a frugal lifestyle. We’re so used to being in our frugal mindset that an outside buddy isn’t necessary. Frankly an outsider would probably tell us to lighten up and spend a little more. I nice sentiment, but we wouldn’t really enjoy it because we’d see it as waste and counterproductive to our goals. We have everything we need (and more thanks to our less frugal early years) and unless something wears out or breaks, why would I want/need to buy more things?
@JMK I admire the way you and your family handle money, we all have a lot to learn from you. I’ve tried to email you but your address doesn’t work, can you shoot me an email jeff at deliverawaydebt dot com. I have some question for you about your lifestyle. Take care.
Great concept! Now that I think of it, my wife has been my debt buddy all our married life! Thanks,
@Rich most of us already have debt buddies, but it can take a post to make us realize it. So go home tonight and thank your debt buddy, she deserves it
It was really good to have our wives as our debt buddies, they are always there to remind us if the decisions we are making are beneficial or not. Sometimes I first conceive her advice before we make a decision regarding our liabilities and obligations.
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